Letting Go

As part of my January 2016 preparation series I feel it is important for us to take a look at what we need to let go of.

During the holiday season we tend we bring in more ‘stuff’ into our lives and so if you didn’t have a pre-holiday purge then the New Year is a great time to clear out your closets!  I thought we could apply this same principle to our Rulesy Focussed 2016!

There are two areas I want you to consider addressing this January relating to The Rules (TR) – your wardrobe and ex-boyfriend sentimental items.

First let’s take a look inside your wardrobe –

“Rule #2, Look Like a Creature Unlike Any Other”

“Experts say you should go through your closet every two years and give away or throw out any clothes that are not sexy or in style” (Fein & Schneider, 2013)

I would suggest going through your wardrobe twice a year, for Spring / Summer and Autumn / Winter and I strongly recommend having a capsule wardrobe of only clothes that you love.

Take a whole day or weekend for this if you need to, make an appointment in your diary – there are lots of vlogs, books, blogs and even online courses on this that you can look up for inspiration.

There are a few key things I would suggest:

  • Play some upbeat music.
  • Only take out what you can put back in an hour.
  • Have four piles:
    • Love.
    • Maybe.
    • Charity.
    • Bin.
  • Try everything on and look in the mirror – ask yourself if you love it and / or how you feel in it.  Often if we feel any negative emotion about a piece of clothing it’s because it’s uncomfortable, poorly fitting, looking tired or we have a negative association with it.  If this is the case put it in the charity pile if someone else can benefit from it or if it’s tired or worn out put it in the bin.
  • Work fast, don’t dilly dally – notice your feelings associated with items versus rationalising why you think you ‘should’ keep it (don’t ‘should’ on yourself!).  This helps us to tap in to our subconscious mind – which can be a powerful force.
  • Only keep what you:
    • love,
    • feel good about yourself in,
    • fits you well,
    • looks good on your figure / for your body type.
  • Have a notebook at hand for any holes in your wardrobe.
  • Think about what style you want to emit – for TR I would suggest ‘Sexy and Sophisticated’.
  • Re-read Rule #2 in ‘The New Rules’ (‘Not Your Mother’s Rules’ in the U.S.) – for Ellen and Sherrie’s top tips on the ideal Rules wardrobe / uniform!
  • When you’re done take your ‘Charity’ pile straight to the charity shop or put it in the back of your car ready to be dropped off.
  • Do the same with the ‘Bin’ pile – put it straight in the bin outside – so your not tempted to retrieve it!

Please remember you are dressing at all times to make the most of your figure and to look attractive.

When you wear clothes you feel good in you will feel more confident.  Create your own ‘Look-book’ with your camera phone and create outfits in advance (also think of different outfits you’ll need for different uses such as work wear, casual wear, date nights, gym outfits, swim wear, PJs, langerie).  Notice what feels good and what doesn’t and why.  You want to put your best-face forward at all times, this is for yourself so you feel good at all times and it also means that you are not caught out in your Christmas onesie / ratty old gym sweats if Mr Right turns up unexpectedly.  The Rules are about respecting yourself – only wear clothes that respect you – that make you feel good, are in good condition, fit you well and are pleasing to the eye.

Secondly – it’s important to deal with sentimental items relating to ex’s –

In his book ‘Clutter Busting’ by Brooks Palmer he tells of how a well known singer covered her bed with stuffed animals that had been given to her by different ex-boyfriends.  She couldn’t even sit or lie down on the bed and had to remove them each night to get in.  Brooks Palmer explained to the singer “You are reminded of all your boyfriends when you have contact with the animals, when you remove them at night.  You don’t feel as lonely.  But in a way, it only makes you lonelier because you remember them and then you go to bed all by yourself.”

What items do you still have that remind you of your ex-boyfriends?  Here are some examples:

  • Love letters / cards,
  • photos,
  • clothes,
  • stuffed toys etc…

If you’re serious about finding your Mr Right this stuff is likely to keep you stuck in the past and pining over your ex-boyfriends and  / or glorifying the relationships you had with them.

“Remember, there was a reason the relationship didn’t work out before, so don’t romanticize it.  Also, comfort yourself with the knowledge that it’s usually easier to do The Rules on a new man than an ex.” (‘The Complete Book of Rules, E-book version’, Fein & Schneider, 2013)

If you’re really struggling letting go of either clothes or sentimental items – don’t put them back where you got them from, instead box them up and write the date you had the clear-out on the top of the box.  If you don’t reach for these items in the next 6 months (or a year if you would prefer to go through full four seasons) then when this time has passed either:

  • don’t look inside the box just take it straight to the charity shop.
  • or purge the box again and see what you can let go of now you have some distance with the items – I think you’ll be surprised at what you have been hanging on to and how much you can let go of.

The reason we are doing this is to clean out our physical, psychological and emotional stuff that no longer fits us ready to make room for the new!  Letting go of the past ready for now and the future!

Let’s make space for the new love in your life – your Mr Right!

Happy purging!




4 thoughts on “Letting Go

  1. Pingback: Weight Matters | debbiesedgley

  2. Pingback: The Importance of Dressing as a ‘Creature Unlike Any Other’ (CUAO) | debbiesedgley

  3. Pingback: New Beginnings | debbiesedgley

  4. Pingback: Do You Need to Let Go of a Toxic Relationship? | debbiesedgley

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