Are you already in a relationship, just found out about “The Rules” and realised you’ve broken lots of them?
First of all, don’t panic! You can apply “The Rules” no matter what your situation. You may not think you can right now but hopefully you’ll get some ideas about how you can.
You need to be warned that “The Rules” are not easy, but if you really want your relationship to work then applying them will reward you ten fold. “The Rules” are about long term thinking, not short-term gratification.
“You are not behind! I don’t want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump in where we are. O.K.?” (FlyLady).
What does this mean in the context of “The Rules”? It means don’t make excuses why you can’t follow “The Rules” right now. Instead here’s what you can do when you re-start “The Rules” after breaking them. You immerse yourself in “The Rules”. You re-read all your Rules books and buy any you haven’t already got. You study “The Rules” until you know them inside out and upside down. It may be hard to change your behaviour and you are going to make mistakes but just commit to them and do your best. Jump in where you are!
Here’s some exercises to get you started:
- Write out a list of things you can do to start following “The Rules” and making improvements. Avoid overwhelming yourself by making your list too long and don’t berate yourself if you don’t do them perfectly. Instead, just start and do your best. If you do this and focus on improving and doing better each day, you will succeed and see results.
For example your list may contain the following items:
- Don’t contact your boyfriend under any circumstances. Who can you contact instead? (a family member or good Rulesy friend).
- Read a chapter of “The Rules” books everyday.
- Straighten your hair.
- Buy some cute Rulesy outfits.
- Allow your boyfriend to speak to you first.
- Don’t offer to drive to see your boyfriend / pick him up etc…
- Practice “The Rules” at work and with others.
- Keep a Rules journal and write in it before going to bed each night.
2. Go through your Rules books and write down a list of “The Rules” you are breaking. Find the chapter(s) relevant to the broken Rule(s) and write a list of actions you can take to start following “The Rules”. From this list of actions, choose your top three to ten (the ones that you feel you can do now) and write them out.
3. Write down what problems / excuses / reasons you are finding for not applying “The Rules”. This is a process, you haven’t been following “The Rules” up until now. It’s highly likely if you have read this far that you believe “The Rules” you have broken have caused problems in your past and / or present relationships and this is why you want to know how to follow them now. “The Rules” struck a chord with you. You are probably scared because you don’t want to jeopardise your relationship, how do you know “The Rules” will work? What you do know is that what you’ve been doing up until now hasn’t been working for you. Plus there are plenty of Rules Success Stories, here are some of my testimonials and Ellen and Sherrie’s to show you what you can expect when you follow “The Rules”. Usually what happens when you begin to really take “The Rules” seriously and apply them is that you begin to see your partner and your relationship more objectively. You begin to observe your own and your partner’s behaviour. If there’s a chance for your relationship then “The Rules” will show you if that’s likely or not. And if the relationship isn’t right you’ll potentially save yourself and your partner continued years of heart ache and be able to move on relatively quickly and find your Mr Right. If it’s the right relationship then it will likely blossom beyond what you could’ve imagined possible!
- Use the Immersion technique.
- Complete the above three exercises.
- Come and join me on Facebook and Instagram where I share more insights, how tos, ask questions about what you need help with and we discuss various matters with our international Rules Community.
- You may not know this, but I’m a certified Rules Coach (since 2013, trained and certified by “The Rules” authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider). I teach women how to apply “The Rules,” find Mr Right, get married and stay happily married! I specialise in helping women apply “The Rules” to their specific circumstances and / or set them an actionable plan of what they need to focus on to achieve the best results fast with “The Rules”. That means I’m available for one-on-one client work if that happens to be something you could use now (or in the near future). If you would like to take a look at my services they are listed here.
P.S. I have a new email list where I will be sharing common mistakes that women make with “The Rules”, how to develop a Rules mindset and paradigm shifts “The Rules” can provide. When you visit my site you will see a pop up where you can subscribe.
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Disclaimer: Information, advice & tips provided by Debbie Sedgley Rules Coach are based on “The Rules” books written by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider and are not a substitute for professional advice such as a Medical Doctor, Psychiatrist, Counsellor or Legal representative. Information is offered in good faith – you do not have to use this information. Any decisions you make, and the consequences thereof are your own. The Rules relationship and dating advice is not scientifically proven and there are no formal studies to prove it works, therefore Deborah Sedgley cannot guarantee results.