Recently I posted on Facebook about the concept of Failing Forward about how to keep going when you make ‘mistakes’.
I recently watched the TV series – Bear Grylls’ Mission Survive. You may wonder what I think a survival programme has to do with your romantic life and ‘The Rules’ philosophy… But it has to do with this concept of ‘failing forwards.’
Actually I prefer the Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) concept that I also mentioned in my Facebook post that ‘there is no failure only feedback’. This can be quite a big concept to grasp – especially if you have great trouble forgiving yourself or others for your / their mistakes and / or so called ‘failures’. But what this NLP presupposition is conveying is that even our so called ‘failures’ are often part and parcel of the process and / or journey we are personally making. Oftentimes things do not go according to plan and / or adversity strikes and we face obstacles. Often these obstacles or challenges require us to grow or stretch ourselves, sometimes you may even ask – why is this happening to me? These obstacles and / or challenges can help us develop as individuals, much more than perhaps we had originally anticipated. If we are so fixed on a particular plan or route to take to achieve our outcome (for you this may be finding your Mr Right / getting married and / or having a happy marriage) then we may be much more likely to give up and throw in the towel. This is really about a level of flexibility and perseverance. It may also indicate how much you really want something and what you are willing / not willing to give up to get it.
In Bear Grylls’ Mission Survive there were two key points he made that really struck a chord with me and that I feel relate to this concept:
Bear said to “Give more when adversity strikes:
- More energy,
- More positivity,
- More effort.”
And the qualities Bear said he was looking for in mission survivors were:
In my opinion these skills and qualities are required to pursue any outcome that you really feel is worth your time, energy and effort. This includes what you want to achieve by putting The Rules into practice.
You won’t always get the outcome you want or perhaps had pictured at the beginning. The guy you like won’t always like you, the guy your dating may not be your Mr Right, you may have quiet spells and / or challenges applying The Rules, perhaps you keep breaking The Rules and kicking yourself. Perhaps you feel down on yourself about these things, if you do, stop and say to yourself – “there is no failure only feedback.” Think about (and write down if you find it helpful) – what is the ‘mistake’ you have made? What is the feedback from that mistake, for instance what has it taught you? How can you improve next time and / or what will you do differently? Then take Bear’s advice and when these obstacles occur allow it to make you more determined – give more. In what ways can you give more energy, positivity and effort? Look to improve your personal qualities so that you have more positivity, courage (maybe you need to move out of your comfort zone and meet new people and socialise outside of your normal group of peers), resourcefulness (what resources do you have within you? Perhaps it’s to be able to pick yourself up when things don’t go your way, perhaps its a skill you’ve learnt, perhaps it some of The Rules you’re very good at etc…) and dig deep – be determined, is this really what you want? If so, think about what it is you want, imagine all the good things and use this to positively inspire you.
Above all know that it is possible to meet your Mr Right, get married and have a long healthy, happy marriage and life.