Self Esteem has to come from within

You cannot rely on assurance from those around you for your self esteem and self worth.

It goes against the whole meaning of self esteem. According to the online Cambridge dictionary it means: “belief and confidence in your own ability and value” (Reference:
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/self-esteem )

Therefore by definition you cannot rely on outside forces for self-esteem. However many people do this, looking for approval and assurance from their love partner. This puts an immediate strain on the relationship and can also attract controlling partners.

Examples of seeking assurance could be:

  • Not trusting your own judgement and asking others what to do. This is different to proactively asking others for their opinions and suggestions plus researching something and making an informed decision. So not trusting your own judgement is when you don’t trust yourself or your own decisions.
  • Needing compliments to feel good about yourself, what you’re doing and / or how you look.
  • Seeking or feeling needy for reassurance from others all the time.

Are you looking for a guy to complete you? Do you feel like you are a glass half full and you need a man to fill the other half? Do you feel a man would make you happy? Kim Evazians coached me and Kim recently shared a post on Facebook about Cinderella syndrome, when a woman doesn’t take 100% responsibility for her own happiness: https://www.facebook.com/170633866308135/posts/2463469663691199/?sfnsn=xwmo

However, even if you have self esteem issues, this isn’t an excuse to stop dating and looking for Mr Right. You learn as you go. You can workout on your body, mind and self esteem whilst looking for Mr Right. If you’re finding excuses not to date read my blog about not needing to be perfect.

For more blogs and tips from me visit my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/debbiesedgleyrulescoach/

Have you got a difficult romantic problem and you don’t know which way to turn? Do you wonder how to apply The Rules to your specific situation? Have you had your heart broken one too many times and want to do things differently by following The Rules with the guidance of a Rules coach? I am certified as a Rules Book coach by the authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. I am also an INLPA certified Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner. I offer a 100% money back guarantee if you are not satisfied with coaching with me. Email me at debbiesedgley@gmail.com for more information or to enquire about my services. Your can also check out the services I offer here.


#therules #rulesgirls #therulesbook #rulescoach #debbiesedgley #mrright #timetestedsecrets #shellen #feinandschneider #love #selfesteem #selfesteemcomesfromwithin #workonyourself

Don’t be an Ice Queen be a CUAO!

Doing The Rules doesn’t mean you have to be rude, mean or never say how you feel. In my blog ‘Less is More‘ I explain how Sherrie Schneider recommends that you always do less than he does and you always do everything back. So if a guy contacts you, you can contact him back (although I highly recommend reading the detailed instructions in ‘The New Rules’ book (AKA Not Your Mother’s Rules in the US)) about communication, when to respond or not (if ‘not‘ this is generally when a guy is just chatting or his message doesn’t require a response), if a guy tells you he loves you, you can say it back, if a guy kisses you and it’s not too soon and you want to kiss him back, you can kiss him back etc…

So generally speaking you can reciprocate but usually always with less.

Unfortunately some women take ‘The Rules’ to mean they shouldn’t talk at all or they are frosty. Being a CUAO though means you are a different breed – you are happy and busy, sweet and light. You are light hearted and too busy to worry about or think about any guy that much. But when he asks you out and you need to turn him down because it’s not a Saturday night you are super sweet and cool about it. You might say, “oh I’d really love to but I already have plans that night” or “oh what a shame I’d love that but I’m so sorry I’m busy that evening.”

Another reason perhaps that you are not being overtly friendly or perhaps even rude or cold could be due to low self esteem. Perhaps not believing that any man would want to go out with you or it could be that you’ve been hurt and you want to keep men at a distance so they can’t get close enough to hurt you. If this is you, I suggest you recount the quote from Alfred, Lord Tennyson’s famous poem ‘In Memoriam A.H.H.’:

” ‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.”

Check out my previous blog ‘Is Fear Stopping You Meeting Mr Right‘ for more advice if this is a problem for you.

And finally, some women do not know how to accept compliments. If a guy is complimenting you, be gracious, smile sweetly and say thank you. Perhaps you don’t believe him and think he is spinning you a line to get you in bed or get what he wants from you. Well the only way to know his intentions is by listening to what he says and watching what he does as I explained in my previous blog about conscious dating. Rebuffing someone’s compliments can be seen as rude or show you have low self esteem which can put guy’s off, especially if you continually put yourself down. Even if he doesn’t agree with you and thinks you are amazing – if you keep saying these things you are not only reinforcing this negative mindset to yourself but to him too and he may start to agree with you and you may push him away. Ultimately what you are saying is that you don’t believe you are good enough to be loved. If you feel like this accept compliments, avoid speaking badly of yourself and instead listen to what this guy is telling you. Follow ‘The Rules’, work on your personal issues and get help from a professional psychotherapist to work through your low self esteem problems.

For more blogs and tips from me visit my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/debbiesedgleyrulescoach/

Have you got a difficult romantic problem and you don’t know which way to turn? Do you wonder how to apply The Rules to your specific situation? Have you had your heart broken one too many times and want to do things differently by following The Rules with the guidance of a Rules coach? I am certified as a Rules Book coach by the authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. I am also an INLPA certified Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner. I offer a 100% money back guarantee if you are not satisfied with coaching with me. Email me at debbiesedgley@gmail.com for more information or to enquire about my services. Your can also check out the services I offer here.

#therules #rulesgirls #therulesbook #rulescoach #debbiesedgley #mrright #timetestedsecrets #shellen #feinandschneider #love #romance #marriage #relationship #dontbeanIceQueenbeaCUAO #lessismore #IsFearStoppingYouMeetingMrRight #consciousdating