Four Reasons you want to go from online dating to offline as soon as possible

If you want to meet #MrRight quicker then following “The Rules” will save you time you could’ve wasted on #MrWrong. If you’ve been following “The Rules for Online Dating” you’ll know your main aim for being online is to get date zeros and to avoid wasting time online chatting and / or getting to know someone online. Today I’m going to share with you more about why you don’t want to get to know a guy before you go on a date. You may feel safer getting to know a guy online and perhaps over the phone as well but here I’m going to explain to you why this is a fallacy. I’ll also explain the reason you definitely don’t want to get to know #MrRight online or over the phone instead of in person.

1. You’re wasting your time getting to know a guy online.

You could meet a really nice guy online. You chat on instant messenger for hours and he calls you everyday as well because he says he has to hear your voice.  You’ve gotten to know each other really well and he finally asks you out.  You arrange to meet… But the bubble suddenly BURSTS! He’s similar to his photo BUT truth be told… you’re just not that into him… In fact it makes you feel uncomfortable when he tries to be romantic and coos over you, you might even feel a little bit nauseous and also guilty…. And now you have to let him down gently – plus you’ve wasted so much time!!…  Or you really liked him even more in person than online but after the date he never calls again!  You’re heartbroken and again have wasted so much time!…  You thought he was the one! BUT what’s even more likely to happen if you’ve “got to know him” online is he’ll likely never ask you out and / or it might lead to other problems… Because…

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2. He’s a stranger and could be anyone.

You think you’ve got to know the guy really well. He’s told you everything about him and you’ve both shared your life stories BUT… what you don’t know is that he’s actually:

  • Married with a family
  • A Catfish (this is someone who creates a false online identity. They can be any age, gender, they can be doing it for personal reasons or to scam you).
  • #MrWrongs #BuyerBeware: These are guys you want to avoid including:
    1. Addicts (Drug, alcohol, gambling, sex etc…)
    2. Violent men
    3. Narcissists
    4. Peter Pans
    5. Guys who only want to meet girls online
    6. Guys who will never step up
    7. You get the picture – bad news!  Etc…

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3. You’ll give away too much too soon. Keep an air of mystery!

If you keep chatting with a guy online or offline you’re going to give away too much too soon. Rules Girls don’t waste time chatting online because you know that if you do that he’ll lose interest in you more quickly and is far less likely to ask you out.  He knows everything about you, you’re no longer intriguing and a mystery, there’s no reason to meet.  Plus for him the spark has gone because men like to pursue (this is their biological wiring) and by giving away too much too soon you have made it too easy for him, you are no longer a challenge. Remember you’re number one objective for being online is to get dates, not to chat. If they don’t ask you out within four messages then he’s a “next!” and you move on. If he wants to get to know you he needs to ask you out and get to know you in person, on dates and slowly over time.

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4. Weed guys out quickly online.

If you observe the four message rule you eliminate all the time wasters – the guys you don’t want to waste time dating. Guys who ask a lot of questions, want to get to know you online or seem to want to only chat and who likely just want an online relationship with you. They’ll never ask you out or they’ll take forever to ask you out because they have to “get to know you online first” and then they’ll likely take their time doing everything else in your relationship too!  You’ll likely end up wasting a lot of time on a guy who simply frustrates you because he never wants to truly commit.

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Once you’ve eliminated the time wasters and have got a date zero booked remember this is the time to:

  • Watch what he does
  • Listen to what he says
  • Decide if you want a second date
  • Make sure to keep notes about each guy from the start (whether you met on or offline).

Remember Rules Girls are always observing. Following the final point above – making notes will help you to be more objective and notice any good or bad behaviour and patterns. It’ll also help you to evaluate more objectively how you really feel about this guy.

So next time you log on remember to weed heavily!  Your next steps:

  • Only match with guys who’ve matched you first.
  • Only  reply to first messages:
    • after 24 hours,
    • where the guy mentions something specific to your profile / bio and
    • makes an effort.
  • Next! guys who don’t ask you out or for your number in four messages or less.
  • Watch my recent FB Live “How to Follow “The Rules” for Online Dating” with even more tips for weeding heavily (like not replying to short messages and how to look for form messages) plus lots more such as how to date on Tinder and safety advice online and on dates.
  • Remember to treat “The Rules” like a job, expect that you will have to weed a lot of guys out.  “The Rules” is in part a process of eliminating the wrong guys who you might’ve previously otherwise have dated or even ended up in a relationship with.  This is worth reminding yourself of when things appear to be quiet and slow… Because in actual fact by not wasting time on the wrong guys you are making your path to Mr Right faster.
  • You may not know this, but I’m a certified Rules Coach (trained by “The Rules” authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider). I teach women how to apply “The Rules,” find Mr Right, get married and stay happily married! I certified in December 2013 and I’m happily married since 2015! That means I’m available for one-on-one client work if that happens to be something you could use now (or in
    the near future). You can take a look at my services here: work with me.
  • #Keepthefaith

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Related Posts:

FB Live: “How to Follow “The Rules” for Online Dating.

“Chart a Course” of action!

Online Dating – avoiding frustration by setting your expectations

Get Yourself Out There

Journaling

“Rule 11 – If He Doesn’t Ask You Out within Four E-mails, Delete/Next!” (Fein, E. and Schneider, S. (2002) The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace, New York: Simon and Schuster.)

#therules #rulesgirls #therulesbook #rulescoach #debbiesedgley #mrright #timetestedsecrets #shellen #feinandschneider #dating #love #romance #coach #datingandrelationshipcoach #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #nlp #nlpmasterpractitioner #lovecoach #relationships #onlinetooffline #onlinedating

Disclaimer: Information, advice & tips provided by Debbie Sedgley Rules Coach are based on “The Rules” books written by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider and are not a substitute for professional advice such as a Medical Doctor, Psychiatrist, Counsellor or Legal representative. Information is offered in good faith – you do not have to use this information. Any decisions you make, and the consequences thereof are your own. The Rules relationship and dating advice is not scientifically proven and there are no formal studies to prove it works, therefore Deborah Sedgley cannot guarantee results.

Have you got problems in your relationship?

Do you have problems like this happening in your relationship?

  • You desperately want to get married.  You’ve been with your boyfriend now for a long time, you live together but he hasn’t  proposed, you’re beginning to wonder if he ever will.
  • You’re arguing all the time, you really love your boyfriend but you wonder if either of you can take much more.
  • You have problems with jealousy and it’s ruining your relationship.  You love your boyfriend desperately but the jealousy is becoming obsessive and toxic.
  • Your boyfriend is the jealous one and he’s becoming controlling and angry.
  • You found out your boyfriend cheated on you… again.  You love him and forgave him last time but you don’t know what to do now.  You’re heart broken again.

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How do you solve your relationship problems?

Often the answers are counter-intuitive and counter-culture.  “The Rules” books by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider teach women a new way of behaving with men to prevent these problems from occurring.  The main premise of “The Rules” is that men are biologically wired to want to pursue women.

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If you have one or more of the above problems occurring, here’s some reasons why they’re happening and how you can begin to solve them:

  • You desperately want to get married:
    • You’ve broken so many “Rules” by now, you’ve spoiled your boyfriend and he is getting all the benefits of marriage without actually having to get married.  Here’s another secret – even when men say they want to get married most men don’t REALLY want to get married.  They get married because they have to have you, currently you are too available to him and there’s no challenge.  Don’t lose heart though you can start “The Rules” mid-relationship.
  • You’re arguing all the time:
  • You have problems with jealousy:
    • Perhaps this stems from previous bad experiences or current bad experiences but jealousy destroys relationships.  If there’s no trust there’s no chance.  Do you know your boyfriend’s cheated and / or have legitimate reasons for feeling suspicious and jealous or are you jealous in your relationships?  Has jealousy been an issue for you before?  Do you need to work on your self esteem? You can’t make your husband or boyfriend change their job if they work with a lot of women or try and stop your boyfriend having female friends.  You either accept things as they are or you move on.  This is not to say you accept bad behaviour, you just know when it’s time to say “Next!” and you leave your boyfriend alone if he’s a good guy – Rules Girls are not controlling of others!  Instead we exhibit self-control.
  • Your boyfriend is the jealous one and he’s becoming controlling and angry:
    • This is not a good sign.  It’s highly likely you need to move on from this guy.  Are you beginning to feel more scared of how he’ll react?  Is he constantly contacting you and asking you where you are and / or asking you to account for every minute of your day.  If this is the case seek help now and leave this guy.  You should never feel scared of your partner.
  • You found out your boyfriend cheated on you… :
    • “Next!”  Rules Girls do not put up with a guy who cheats.  It’s better that you found out now before you married him.  Now you can at least move on and find someone who’s worthy.  If you’re married and / or have children then you may wish to consult with a Rules coach.

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What to do next:

  • You can read my blog “Starting “The Rules” When You’re Already in a Relationship”.
  • If you haven’t already read “The Rules” books then read them now (all of them cover to cover!) and start doing them immediately.  Here’s my suggested order for reading them:
    • “The New Rules” (AKA “Not Your Mother’s Rules”),
    • “The Complete Book of Rules” (AKA “All The Rules”),
    • “The Rules for Online Dating,
    • “The Rules for Marriage”.
    • N.B.  If you’re married start with “The Rules for Marriage” and then continue the order as listed above.
  • Use the Immersion technique I recommend.
  • Journal everyday.
  • Join me on Facebook and Instagram to keep up to date with my latest advice and tips.
  • Follow “The Rules!”

P.S.  Subscribe to my new email list to receive exclusive advice and tips only available to my email list.  I will share my services including when there are special offers.  When you visit this blog there will be a pop-up window to subscribe to my email list.

P.P.S.  If you have questions about “The Rules” that apply to your circumstances or you have a relationship problem I highly recommend coaching.  I got coaching and it was life changing for me.  If you’re going through a scenario like the ones above and are struggling to navigate your way through it then investing in “Rules” Coaching could really help you.  You can learn more here.

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Related Blog Posts

Are Breaking “The Rules” the reason your relationship’s got problems?

“Don’t Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him”

Self Esteem has to come from within

Letting Go Of Unhealthy Relationships

Is It Okay To Spy On Your Partner?

Habits

Starting ‘The Rules’ When You’re Already In A Relationship

Men Love A Challenge – Not Hassle

#therules #rulesgirls #therulesbook #rulescoach #debbiesedgley #mrright #timetestedsecrets #shellen #feinandschneider #dating #love #romance #coach #datingandrelationshipcoach #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #nlp #nlpmasterpractitioner #lovecoach #relationships #relationshipproblems

Are Breaking “The Rules” the reason your relationship’s got problems?

Are you worried your boyfriend’s going to break up with you and / or find someone else?

Everything was going so well… It was a “Rules” beginning – he spoke to you first and you were Rulesy in the first few months. You made sure to let him pursue you… BUT now you’re starting to bicker more and he’s seeming more distant…

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If only you could keep following “The Rules” but you feel mean when you do.

Instead you’re trying to make his life easy, travelling to his, making him meals, staying over a lot because you can’t bear to be apart from him and when you are you miss him so much you call him everyday… BUT he just seems more and more distant and moody and you feel desperate and needy.  And the solution to your problem is simple… you need to follow “The Rules”…

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BUT what would make it easier to follow “The Rules”?  If you understand WHY it’s NOT mean to follow them.

In fact if you followed them your boyfriend would appreciate it and here’s why. Men and women are different biologically. A key reason is our difference in hormones and the effects these have on our bodies and how we act and think.

Dr Patricia Allen and Sandra Harmon wrote the book “Getting To I Do.” They discuss men and women’s differences and the affects hormones have on the way that men and women behave:

“Most women I encounter (under the age of fifty) fall naturally into being the “feminine” energy. Their primary interest (even though most of them have to earn a living) is in relationships, because that is where the female hormone, estrogen, leads them. Estrogen is an affect (feeling) hormone. It keeps women caring more about feelings and emotions than cars and jobs. The female principles are “I feel” and “I don’t want pain.”

Because of his male hormone, testosterone, the man under fifty will be driven to action (doing) and will prefer to be the male energy. According to their nature, what most men want most in life is power, money, and sex, because this is where their testosterone leads them. In the real world, this translates into most men being interested in buying, selling, and building. Their world is concrete and performance-oriented. The male principles are “I think” and “I want.” ”

It’s therefore not “mean” to follow “The Rules” because they are based on the principle that most men like a challenge and prefer to pursue women. Men need time alone and will appreciate you more when you have your own life and pursuits. He will come to you when he wants more intimacy. If you treat the man you are dating or exclusive with like one of your female relatives or friends then it’s a recipe for disaster because men require autonomy, time “to do / achieve stuff” and challenge. He is not your therapist and he’s also not there to fix you or make you complete.

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So if you are having troubles in your relationship remind yourself that following “The Rules” is actually what men prefer. Here’s the acid test – follow ”The Rules” strictly for a month, everyday noting down in your journal what you did and your boyfriend’s response / what he did. I have no doubt that he will seem happier and appreciate you more. He will want more intimacy and time alone with you. So if you’ve been breaking “The Rules” and you’ve noticed your relationship is not moving in the right direction make a promise to yourself today to commit to following “The Rules.”

Did you find this blog helpful today?  If you did please like it and leave me a comment below about what was most helpful.  Please also come and join me on Facebook and Instagram where I share more info and tips on “The Rules.”

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P.S.  I have a BRAND NEW email subscription list and I’d love for you to come and join me there.  I will be sharing exclusive advice on there that is only available to email subscribers (there is a pop-up subscribe box when you arrive at this website, any problems send me an email to debbiesedgley@gmail.com).

P.P.S.  If you’re interested in my other services you can check them out here.

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Related Blog Posts

Four Steps to Prepare for Love

“Don’t Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him”

If you want Mr Right then leave him alone

Men Want Independent Women

Journaling

Why not going Dutch on a Date is not about money

Discovering the Solution (‘The Rules’ philosophy) to Your Relationship Problems Through Heart Ache

Men Love A Challenge – Not Hassle

Starting ‘The Rules’ When You’re Already In A Relationship

#therules #rulesgirls #therulesbook #rulescoach #debbiesedgley #mrright #timetestedsecrets #shellen #feinandschneider #dating #love #romance #coach #datingandrelationshipcoach #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #nlp #nlpmasterpractitioner #lovecoach #relationships #rulesbreaker #breakingtherules #rulesbreaking #relationshiptrouble #breakups

Disclaimer: Information, advice & tips provided by Debbie Sedgley Rules Coach are based on “The Rules” books written by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider and are not a substitute for professional advice such as a Medical Doctor, Psychiatrist, Counsellor or Legal representative. Information is offered in good faith – you do not have to use this information. Any decisions you make, and the consequences thereof are your own. The Rules relationship and dating advice is not scientifically proven and there are no formal studies to prove it works, therefore Deborah Sedgley cannot guarantee results.

Questions You Asked About “The Rules” for Dating During the Coronavirus

“If there’s one question you have about ‘The Rules” during the Coronavirus that I could help you with, what would that be?”. This was the question I recently asked Rules Girls on Facebook and Instagram.

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Here’s the questions you asked and the answers I gave*:

  • “If we can’t go on dates, what do you recommend that we do to prepare to get back out there once the social distancing is over?”
    • “Ellen and Sherrie say to keep your online dating profiles up. They can take you out once quarantine is over. Get the dates lined up!
    • Also, use this time to be productive such as work on personal development by doing online courses, reading books, exercising etc! Keep busy with projects and working on your career. Also work on keeping a positive mindset and being a CUAO.
    • There’s more tips on my recent Facebook Live too just in case you missed it.”

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  • “At the end of the conversations, the guy I’ve been dating sends a sticker or gif like a heart or “Thinking of you” etc… Should I send him a similar heart sticker or gif? We’ve been dating for over 3 months. If I do not reply to his text, is this rude?”
    • “Rules Girls don’t send GIFs or emoticons. Don’t reply to these messages. As he sends them at the end as well you have ended the conversation first. All good Rules actions.”
  • “How to keep in touch with my boyfriend when we haven’t seen each other for almost a month?”
    • “We need to be stricter with ‘The Rules” during the Coronavirus. Let him contact you, don’t be too available. Treat it like he’s long distance (LD Rule #15 in Not Your Mother’s Rules) and has gone away for a 2-3 months.”

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  • “We are dating, so he actively contacts me everyday, but sometimes he’s busy and forgets to text me. Should I text him first? I mean in some special cases? Because we are girlfriend and boyfriend, so I think I should not be so indifferent to not care about him.”
    • “Let him contact you always! Don’t be too available. You want to remain mysterious. Limit calls to 10 minutes, only video chat once a week. Have you seen my Facebook Live and blog about dating during the Coronavirus?”

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  • “How can you make a man appreciate what a woman does for him? I mean sometimes also say “thank you” to a woman, for little things she did to make her know he also appreciates her. Even though the man rarely says “thank you” then how do you let him know that?”
    • “You can’t! “Rule #21 Don’t tell him what to do” and “Rule #23 Don’t Expect a man to change or try to change him” (both from “The Complete book of Rules” also called “All The Rules”). If you don’t like the way he treats you maybe it’s time to move on. We either accept him as he is or move on. Notice what he does do for you and if this isn’t enough then you know.
    • Also, another thought. When we meet a guy and are dating its not The Rules to be giving gifts, sending cards, making him dinner etc… He pursues you. He must make effort and take time or he won’t appreciate you. You can do things for him when you’re married! I’d recommend listening to Kim Evazians audio “Mission CUAO”.”

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Do you still have questions about how to follow “The Rules” during the Coronavirus Pandemic? Here’s are some suggestions of what to do:

  • Read my blog: Six Tips to Help You Follow “The Rules” During the Coronavirus Pandemic
  • Watch my Facebook Live.
  • (Extra tip – Read last week’s blog which has some specific Coronavirus tips: Do You Feel Like Giving Up “The Rules”)
  • STOP PRESS If you missed Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider’s “10 Rules for Dating during the Coronavirus” which they shared on their “The Rules Book” Facebook page, make sure you check them out here because they’re brilliant!
  • Join me on my Facebook page and Instagram.
  • You can also follow me here on WordPress to be notified of my latest blog posts (for those viewing in a browser the follow button is on the left hand sidebar. For those of you viewing on your phone scroll down to the menu at the bottom).
  • You can now subscribe to my brand NEW email list. I’ll share exclusive advice and tips available only on my email list plus news of special offers and details of my current services. Just enter your email into the subscribe pop-up box which will automatically appear when you arrive at my site (any problems send me an email at debbiesedgley@gmail.com).
  • Have you considered getting specific advice for your circumstances from a Certified Rules Coach? If you do want to find out more then you can check out my services page or please feel free to email me at debbiesedgley@gmail.com for more information.
  • Keep the Faith! You can do this!

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P.S. If you think this blog will help someone you know then please do share.

P.P.S. If you’ve enjoyed reading this blog please like it and let me know what you thought in the comments section below.

*All questions were asked publicly on social media platforms. I have not shared usernames or names of people who asked questions. I received permission from each person who posted questions included in this blog before it was published.

#therules #rulesgirls #therulesbook #rulescoach #debbiesedgley #mrright #timetestedsecrets #shellen #ellenfein #sherrieschneider #dating #love #romance #coach #datingandrelationshipcoach #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #nlp #nlpmasterpractitioner #lovecoach #relationships #datingcorona #datingcoronavirus #rulesfordatingduringcorona #therulesdatingcoronavirus

Related Blogs:

Six Tips to Help You Follow ‘The Rules’ During the Coronavirus Pandemic

Online Dating – avoiding frustration by setting your expectations

Why it’s best to date several guys if you’re not exclusive

Four Steps to Prepare for Love

Don’t be an Ice Queen be a CUAO!

“Don’t Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him”

Gifts & Cards In The Early Stages Of Dating

Disclaimer: Information, advice & tips provided by Debbie Sedgley Rules Coach are based on “The Rules” books written by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider and are not a substitute for professional advice such as a Medical Doctor, Psychiatrist, Counsellor or Legal representative. Information is offered in good faith – you do not have to use this information. Any decisions you make, and the consequences thereof are your own. The Rules relationship and dating advice is not scientifically proven and there are no formal studies to prove it works, therefore Deborah Sedgley cannot guarantee results.

Do you feel like giving up “The Rules”?

Have you had doubts since discovering “The Rules” books? If you’ve been a Rules Breaker like I was then I suspect you have. Before I got serious about “The Rules” (and got coaching) I had times when I would go back and forth deliberating as to whether they REALLY worked. I also hear reasons from Rules Girls across the globe as to why they believe “The Rules” DON’T work or aren’t working for them. Here are some of the common myths I want to dispel. Have you thought of any of these?

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Common reasons women say “The Rules” aren’t working for them:

  • Nowadays women chase men and men are used to it.
  • Most women I know who are in relationships pushed men into it.
  • If you disappear / are mysterious and don’t chase them they find someone else.
  • Men in this country are spoilt and aren’t chivalrous. They want you to split the bill, travel to them and have sex on the first date.
  • With the Coronavirus going on I can’t meet anyone so what’s the point?
  • I might as well contact my boyfriend during the Coronavirus as we can’t see each other.

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Now here are some reasons women have come to these conclusions:

  • Yes there are a lot of men who have been chased and spoilt by women (and by the way this isn’t anything new. Women have been saying this since “The Rules” books were first published in 1997 and probably most likely before then too…).
  • Yes there are many women who push men into relationships (although it doesn’t mean they are happy… or that problems won’t occur in the near future, again nothing new here).
  • Yes there are lots of men who disappear into thin air when you follow “The Rules”.
  • Things have become slow for them and not much seems to be happening on the dating scene.
  • They feel there’s no point event trying whilst the Coronavirus is happening since they can’t meet for dates.
  • They are afraid their boyfriend will lose interest in them if they don’t stay in touch often during the Coronavirus Pandemic.

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BUT that doesn’t mean “The Rules” do not work….Here’s the reason “The Rules” are timeless, international and are working during these seemingly slow periods (IF you’re following them the right way!):
“The Rules” have a VERY high weeding rate. This is purposeful. Rules Girls DO NOT waste time on guys who are not serious or on guys who fall into the “buyer beware” category.

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What you need to know to keep going through a slow spell:
You only need ONE guy who’s right for you, all the others WILL NOT pass go with TR because you will eliminate them for two reasons:

  1. TR have naturally eliminated them.
  2. You’ve decided they’re not YOUR Mr Right.

Rules Girls have a LONG TERM view.

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How to have a LONG TERM view:
Think five years from now – how would you like to be married to the man of your dreams?
Factor in 1-2 years to meet Mr Right, then 1-2 years as your boyfriend until engagement and then 1-2 years until marriage. All this will be affected by your age plus how seriously YOU take “The Rules” (why age? “The Rules” advise women who are older to have quicker periods to move on if he hasn’t proposed and shorter engagements). If you are loosey goosey and are not following “The Rules” closely then it’ll probably take you longer. You might even get married… but to the wrong guy and / or you don’t feel happy.
Some women do it much more quickly than the above schedule because they know another TOP TIP Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider give which is to “Treat TR like a job!” (from “The Complete Book of Rules,” 2000).

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With the Coronavirus it’s even more important to stay strict as you may be tempted to contact a guy more often. Keep the long term view in mind, even if this went on for a year it’s short term compared to the length of time you’ll be married. So follow “The Rules” now so your boyfriend doesn’t get too much too soon and lose interest. Treat the guy you’re dating like you’re long distance and he’s moved to another country temporarily. For single Rules Girls keep your profiles up and when guys ask you out say you’d prefer to meet after the quarantine ends.

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So I encourage you to trust in “The Rules”. They do work when you follow them and here’s the thing – “The Rules” will actually SAVE you time because you don’t waste time on the wrong guys or messing up your relationship! Remember to keep the LONG TERM view in mind. Your timeline will be shorter if you just follow them NOW!

Would you like to keep up to date my latest tips, info and advice? Then please also join me on my Facebook page and Instagram.

You can also follow me here on WordPress to be notified of my latest blog posts (for those viewing in a browser the follow button is on the left hand sidebar. For those of you viewing on your phone scroll down to the menu at the bottom).

Have you felt stuck with “The Rules” and feel like you’re spinning your wheels? Have you considered getting expert help from a Rules Coach? If you would like to know more about how I can help you please email me at debbiesedgley@gmail.com and / or check out how coaching works and what services I offer here.

P.S. If you think this blog will help someone you know then please do share.

P.P.S. Also, before you go if you have any reasons I haven’t addressed here for wanting to give up “The Rules” then please comment below.

#therules #rulesgirls #therulesbook #rulescoach #debbiesedgley #mrright #timetestedsecrets #shellen #ellenfein #sherrieschneider #dating #love #romance #coach #datingandrelationshipcoach #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #nlp #nlpmasterpractitioner #lovecoach #relationships #givingup

Six Tips to Help You Follow ‘The Rules’ During the Coronavirus Pandemic

First and foremost I hope you, your family and friends are well, staying safe and keeping yourselves healthy during this uncertain time. This is a challenging time for the world and a time when nations are coming together across the globe to unite and encourage each other. It is with this in mind that I have been thinking a lot about #Rulesgirls internationally and how your relationships will be challenged during this time and for those single Rules Girls – how you may be feeling down and / or worried at the prospect of not socialising, not meeting new guys and your time being single being prolonged. So I am here to offer support in the form of six tips to help you follow ‘The Rules’ (TR) during the Coronavirus pandemic.

In this blog you will find I have linked to several of E&S’s latest posts from their ‘The Rules Book’ Facebook page because they have been helping women all over the world by keeping them updated of what to do during this time.

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  1.  Follow TR strictly:

You may think that this is the time to relax TR – you may be thinking – “after all, how can I possibly follow them given the lockdown circumstances?”. In fact this is when we need to follow them more strictly than we have ever done before. This is when we don’t want to become complacent, just because you may be living an unprecedented existence right now. TR require a long term view. For example if you are married and at home with your spouse right now this is an important time to make sure you’re not nagging, you’re saying things in the nicest possible way and you are giving your husband space. If you are single this means avoiding getting into an online chat or phone / video calls with a guy who’s asked you out / you like and making an effort to be mysterious, despite the fact you may have to wait to see him for a while.

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2. Follow E&S’s latest advice written specifically for the Coronavirus pandemic lockdown.

For more than a week E&S have been posting on their Facebook (FB) page the latest advice designed specifically to deal with sticky situations you may encounter as a result of the Coronavirus. I will be conducting my first ever Facebook Live on Wednesday 1st April 2020 at 5pm London UK time to talk with you about the latest advice, I hope you will join me. If you would like to attend but can’t make the live time you can send me your questions before the live event to my email debbiesedgley@gmail.com . The video will also be available on FB after the event and I am also going to attempt to upload it to You Tube, so you will have plenty of opportunities to watch it back.

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3. Prioritise your health and the health of others:

I know it goes without saying but let’s all do our bit and follow and make sure we are up to date with our government’s latest advice to beat the Coronavirus. Don’t take unnecessary risks. Your life and the lives of others are more important than any guy.

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4.  Have routines, keep busy and focused:

If you’ve followed me for a while now you’ll know I’m a big fan of Fly Lady! Fly Lady is a great teacher and she can show you how to find calm and comfort through routines. I’ve been watching her daily on You Tube to keep me uplifted and with a ‘can do’ mindset. I find my routines give me great comfort especially now and during challenging times. Find ways to keep yourself active mentally and physically rather than just becoming a couch potato. Some suggestions are online courses (you could do something that ties in with your studies, your work, TR (Ellen and Sherrie have a number of online courses) and any number of interests you may have). You could call friends and family who may be lonely or just to help boost their morale and your own. You can exercise, read a book, do some housework, finish painting the bathroom or any number of projects and activities you can think of. Keep focused and avoid aimless and mindless activities such as scrolling on your phone / device. If you’re working at home try to keep some of the structure of your work day such as setting up a desk in your home away from distractions, getting dressed in professional attire and following your usual schedule etc… This will help to keep you motivated and in ‘work mode’. If you’ve got your kids at home and they’re usually at school or nursery try to give yourself some structure such as morning and afternoon activities and routines for different times of the day (Fly Lady is great for this).

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5.  Avoid the news, social media and your dating apps:

For two reasons: you don’t want to contact the guy you like and you want to keep a positive mindset. This is a toughy in our day and age where we are constantly connected but where there’s a will there’s a way. I’ll give you an example – you find yourself mindlessly scrolling through FB newsfeed and wonder why you are feeling down in the dumps, even worse you are FB stalking your ex and a guy you just met online and are considering contacting them! OK so here’s some suggestions for you:

  • Turn off your notifications.
  • Remove apps from your phone, only sign in once or twice a day at predetermined times on your PC / other device and only check your notifications. For example, if FB is a problem for you, remove the FB app, when you do sign in if you absolutely have to check the news feed (I can’t imagine why?… but if you REALLY did), set yourself a time limit and set a timer!
  • Sign out of the site once you are finished.
  • Turn your phone off (if you are at work and you really do not need your phone then this is a good option for you and leave it in a locker / somewhere else safe where it is not easily accessible to you).
  • Buy a mobile phone jail – but make sure you have an alternative means to contact the emergency services and / or your next of kin in emergencies.
    Put your phone in the furthest physical location from you.
  • Do a mixture of the above if needed.

Basically you want to increase the number of steps you have to take to do the thing you are trying not to do (for more on making and breaking habits you could try James Clear’s book ‘Atomic Habits’). This is why companies like Amazon have ‘one click’ (it’s so easy to buy!) and FB have ‘Likes’ (they’re addictive!). If you want to read more about how your phone addiction could be putting Mr Right off – read my previous blog here. To read more about taking a digital break – why not read Cal Newport’s book ‘Digital Minimalism’.

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6.  Stay calm, prepare and make an effort to keep a positive mindset:

A CUAO thinks positive! It can be hard to keep a positive mindset – especially at the moment and when we are all so digitally connected. Take steps to protect your mental health. Ellen posted about writing down ten things you are grateful for, practising gratitude like this regularly helps you to feel the cup is half full instead of half empty. Following the steps above will help you to stay in a positive mindset by turning off the news (check once or twice a day at set times for a limited period so you are up to date with the relevant safety information regarding the Coronavirus), turning off your phone and keeping busy with your routines, online courses and exercise. For those who are working you will have enough to focus on. If you are a nurse or Doctor or health professional on the front line then please make sure you have a support network in your downtime and that when you come off a long shift you get as much rest and recuperation as you can.  Please know that we are so grateful you are out there fighting the war against the Coronavirus!

I look forward to speaking to you next week on Wednesday 1st April, 5pm London UK time via Facebook Live about E&S’s latest Rules advice during the Coronavirus pandemic! See you then, follow TR and stay positive!

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For more blogs and tips from me visit my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/debbiesedgleyrulescoach/

You can also find me on Instagram: @debbiesedgleyrulescoach

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3 new features added to my video and audio coaching consultation calls for 2020 at no extra cost!

Including:

1. Written summary
2. Homework
3. Two follow up messages

100% money back guarantee if you are not satisfied with coaching with me, all payments through PayPal.

Certified Rules Book Coach by authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

INLPA Certified Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner.

Email me at debbiesedgley@gmail.com for more information or to enquire about my services.

You can also check out the services I offer here.

How I look after your personal data: GDPR statement

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What kind of Rules Girl are you?

After coaching for six years I’ve noticed that there are a few different types of Rules Girls who generally fall into the following categories. Just for fun I thought I’d share these with you, perhaps you might identify with one. Maybe you’ll cross over between a couple. I’d be interested to hear what Rules Girl you think you are and if you fit one of these categories or whether you think you are another ‘type’ and what that is!  I’ve also given three tips to improve on TR (The Rules) for each type.

Former Rules Breaker turned Rules Follower – you’ve broken practically all TR if not more and reading the book was a light bulb moment for you. Following TR doesn’t come naturally, you find it hard but are working on improving.

Your 3 tips:

  1. Use the ‘Immersion’ technique. If you want to know more about this why not watch this video about immersing yourself into learn a language: https://youtu.be/G1RRbupCxi0 . Scott Young has written a book about a technique he calls Ultralearning which he used to self teach himself a MIT degree and become fluent in other languages in a very short time span.
  2. Make sure you have a support network, this could be an online Rules community or a friend who believes in TR.
  3. If you’re doubting TR then revisit them and your reasons for wanting to follow them in the first place – have these reasons somewhere you’ll see them regularly and can refer to often. You are retraining yourself.

Natural born Rules Girl – it’s what you did before you read the books, it just confirmed your beliefs and what you do and gave you a community of like-minded women.

Well… You don’t really need any tips do you?! LOL… So how about helping support other Rules Girls and remember to be sympathetic! Unfortunately most women have not been blessed with your natural born Rules Powers!

Shy / Introvert Rules Girl – You naturally follow some of TR because you’re shy in front of other people (for example you don’t talk to or message guys first or a lot) but you break some Rules such as: you don’t like going out to single events or take opportunities to meet new people / guys, you don’t want to do online dating – seems too scary, or you do online dating but are scared to go on date zeros.  You might like one guy and have been hung up on him for ages – you’re not sure if he likes you but you think he might. You’re dating one guy but you don’t feel right dating others even though you’re not exclusive and you’re not sure if he’s right for you.

Your 3 tips:

  1. It’s time to step out of your comfort zone. Ellen and Sherrie say go out even when you don’t feel like it. This is your now your mission! Go to everything! If you want to meet Mr Right you want to aim to go out to three singles events or places / activities a week. Try new things and new places.
  2. Know that if the guy you’ve been pining over hasn’t asked you out then he’s likely not going to and its time to move on and meet other guys.
  3. Start online dating and go on date zeros.

N.B. if these tips seem overwhelming break them down into manageable goals. Pick one tip and do something small to start on the journey such as creating an online profile.

Fair Weather Rules Girl – sometimes you like TR, sometimes you don’t. You can’t make your mind up, you go from one extreme to another. Some Rules you agree with and some you think are crazy! You believe/follow them after a break up but not when you meet someone you like.

Your 3 tips:

  1. Write out your top four reasons to follow TR and your top four reasons for NOT breaking TR and put it somewhere prominent you will see it regularly throughout the day.
  2. In Tibetan Buddhism monks are encouraged to debate the teachings of the Buddha. This is encouraged so misconceptions can be defeated. Why not debate TR with a Rules minded friend and/or on paper. Write out the winning arguments, again post them somewhere you see often.
  3. The Immersion technique recommended above for Former Rules Breakers turned Rules Followers would be good for you (reference above for more info and resources).

Plan B Rules Girl – so you find some of TR hard to follow but you’re trying your best to do what you can. You want to follow TR but some of them seem impossible at the moment and so you’re taking baby steps in the right direction.

Your 3 tips:

  1. Focus on what you can do. Write down a list of what you feel is doable at the moment and take the first step. The more you do the more you’ll feel you can apply more Rules.
  2. Remind yourself that the closer you follow TR the quicker you will meet and marry Mr Right.
  3. Encourage yourself by writing down successful observations of TR. Look for it everywhere in real life (not fictional films), you will begin to see TR in action.

For more blogs and tips from me visit my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/debbiesedgleyrulescoach/

You can also find me on Instagram: @debbiesedgleyrulescoach

3 new features added to my video and audio coaching consultation calls for 2020 at no extra cost!

Including:

1. Written summary
2. Homework
3. Two follow up messages

100% money back guarantee if you are not satisfied with coaching with me, all payments through PayPal.

Certified Rules Book Coach by authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

INLPA Certified Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner.

Email me at debbiesedgley@gmail.com for more information or to enquire about my services.

You can also check out the services I offer here.

How I look after your personal data: GDPR statement

#therules #rulesgirls #therulesbook #rulescoach #debbiesedgley #mrright #timetestedsecrets #shellen #feinandschneider #dating #love #romance #coach #datingandrelationshipcoach #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #nlp #nlpmasterpractitioner #lovecoach #relationships #whatrulesgirlareyou #justforfun

Four Steps to Prepare for Love

These four steps are explained throughout ‘The Rules’ books and will help bring love into your life. If you’re struggling with any of these areas you may sabotage relationships that come to fruition.

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1. Letting go of the past, having an open heart and faith you’ll meet the one: Oftentimes people build up invisible walls to protect themselves from being hurt because they’ve been hurt in the past. You may not even be aware that you these walls. You may sometimes feel bitter, resentful and/or negative about love. As follows with the law of attraction – if this is what you are putting out into the world it’s likely what you’ll get back. You may also find that you have an ever-expanding checklist and that no one meets the mark. You may find yourself pushing guys away just as you’re getting closer.

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2. Providing for your own needs and being unselfish: Rules Girls are a different breed. We are not selfish, we don’t try to manipulate or change others. Instead of hoping someone else will fulfil our needs and wishes we provide for our own. We want to find Mr Right because we want to share our life with the one we love, not for our own selfish purposes such as someone to take care of our needs and wants (although Mr Right will likely want to do this for you. Rules Girls are gracious and accept help and compliments appropriately).

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3. Having your own life and being fulfilled: following on from providing for our own needs, part of this is life fulfilment and having our own life. We are fulfilled in our personal and professional lives by pursuing meaningful work and developing ourselves (this may include faith whether religious or not). We believe in personal development and explore hobbies and interests.

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4. Loving yourself and not being jealous: Rules Girls love themselves. This isn’t in a self-absorbed sense but knowing our own worth, having self-confidence and self-esteem. This also relates to not being jealous. Because we know our own worth we don’t try to compare ourselves to others. When we are in a relationship we don’t feel jealous of our partner’s friends/colleagues/family because we have a healthy Rules relationship based on trust and are confident in ourselves and our partner. If you do feel jealous you are able to take a step back and notice the reason those feelings are coming up for you.

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For more blogs and tips from me visit my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/debbiesedgleyrulescoach/

You can also find me on Instagram: @debbiesedgleyrulescoach

3 new features added to my video and audio coaching consultation calls for 2020 at no extra cost!

Including:

1. Written summary
2. Homework
3. Two follow up messages

100% money back guarantee if you are not satisfied with coaching with me, all payments through PayPal.

Certified Rules Book Coach by authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

INLPA Certified Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner.

Email me at debbiesedgley@gmail.com for more information or to enquire about my services.

You can also check out the services I offer here.

How I look after your personal data: GDPR statement

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Four Reasons Rules Girls Do Not Accept Last Minute Dates Or Guys Who Disappear (Ghosting)

1. Last minute dates mean he’s last minute about you. You may not have been his first choice, other women he’s dated may have accepted last minute dates or he may become ambivalent about you when things are too easy. To avoid attracting guys who aren’t serious about you, politely turn down dates who do not put you first and book you in advance. Many men have come to expect last minute dates but if he’s the right guy he’ll soon figure out you’re an independent and busy woman and he has to book you ahead of time if he wants to see you. If he’s Mr Right he will feel like he may miss out on you if he doesn’t ask you out early enough.

2. If a guy ghosts he may be leading a double life. Unfortunately some men do lead double lives, there are men who are already married with a family. Or it could be that your his back up plan and he only dates you when there’s no one else on the scene. When a guy ghosts it time for you to move on.

3. You can date last minute but you will likely end up getting involved with someone who isn’t serious about you, becoming too involved, attached and wasting your time, energy and effort on a relationship that likely would’ve been better off not starting. Rules Girls don’t waste time on guys who aren’t serious about them. We move on and go on another date. Don’t be a guy’s back up plan. Only accept dates booked at least three days in advance and it must be a Saturday night date especially in the first three months (this is with the exception of a date zero).

4. Dating someone who ghosts for long periods is seriously risky because there’s a reason he disappeared. A guy who’s serious about you, has good intentions and wants to marry you would not disappear for a long period without explanation. He couldn’t bear to be apart from you for any length of time.

For more blogs and tips from me visit my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/debbiesedgleyrulescoach/

You can also find me on Instagram: @debbiesedgleyrulescoach

3 new features added to my video and audio coaching consultation calls for 2020 at no extra cost!

Including:

1. Written summary
2. Homework
3. Two follow up messages

100% money back guarantee if you are not satisfied with coaching with me, all payments through PayPal.

Certified Rules Book Coach by authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

INLPA Certified Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner.

Email me at debbiesedgley@gmail.com for more information or to enquire about my services.

You can also check out the services I offer here.

How I look after your personal data: GDPR statement

#therules #rulesgirls #therulesbook #rulescoach #debbiesedgley #mrright #timetestedsecrets #shellen #feinandschneider #dating #love #romance #coach #datingandrelationshipcoach #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #nlp #nlpmasterpractitioner #lovecoach #relationships #dontacceptlastminutedates #ghosting #nextguyswhoghost

Why it’s best to date several guys if you’re not exclusive

Oftentimes many women who are dating get ‘hooked’ on a one guy in particular. If you’ve read ‘The Rules’ (TR) you’ll know that Ellen and Sherrie say you should be going on lots of dates with different guys. This is because you don’t want to make one man your sole focus. If you do then it’s more likely that you’ll become attached and be much more focused on him, when he calls or doesn’t call and you may even feel like you can’t stop thinking about him. If this is you then get online and get date zeros lined up. Get out of the house to activities, events and places where single guys go. Make sure your calendar is booked out so you don’t even have time to think about him (although I know you will still fit it in somewhere!).

It’s also important to keep dating several guys up until you’re in an exclusive relationship (he’s asked you to be his girlfriend and he’s serious about your future together) because it helps you to get to know the guys better and see how different men treat you. In my previous blog ‘Crème de la Crème’ I explained how TR are a rigourous process of elimination and they will weed out the guys you want to avoid such as time wasters, players and buyer bewares.

So if you’re not exclusive with a guy (he hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend) then make sure you are going on dates with other guys until you are.

For more blogs and tips from me visit my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/debbiesedgleyrulescoach/

You can also find me on Instagram: @debbiesedgleyrulescoach

Have you got a difficult romantic problem and you don’t know which way to turn? Do you wonder how to apply The Rules to your specific situation? Have you had your heart broken one too many times and want to do things differently by following The Rules with the guidance of a Rules coach? I am certified as a Rules Book coach by the authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. I am also an INLPA certified Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner. I offer a 100% money back guarantee if you are not satisfied with coaching with me. Email me at debbiesedgley@gmail.com for more information or to enquire about my services. You can also check out the services I offer here.

#therules #rulesgirls #therulesbook #rulescoach #debbiesedgley #mrright #timetestedsecrets #shellen #feinandschneider #dating #love #romance #coach #datingandrelationshipcoach #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #nlp #nlpmasterpractitioner #lovecoach #relationships #datemorethanoneguy #oneguyonefocus #ifyourenothisgfyourenotexclusive