If you want to meet #MrRight quicker then following “The Rules” will save you time you could’ve wasted on #MrWrong. If you’ve been following “The Rules for Online Dating” you’ll know your main aim for being online is to get date zeros and to avoid wasting time online chatting and / or getting to know someone online. Today I’m going to share with you more about why you don’t want to get to know a guy before you go on a date. You may feel safer getting to know a guy online and perhaps over the phone as well but here I’m going to explain to you why this is a fallacy. I’ll also explain the reason you definitely don’t want to get to know #MrRight online or over the phone instead of in person.
1. You’re wasting your time getting to know a guy online.
You could meet a really nice guy online. You chat on instant messenger for hours and he calls you everyday as well because he says he has to hear your voice. You’ve gotten to know each other really well and he finally asks you out. You arrange to meet… But the bubble suddenly BURSTS! He’s similar to his photo BUT truth be told… you’re just not that into him… In fact it makes you feel uncomfortable when he tries to be romantic and coos over you, you might even feel a little bit nauseous and also guilty…. And now you have to let him down gently – plus you’ve wasted so much time!!… Or you really liked him even more in person than online but after the date he never calls again! You’re heartbroken and again have wasted so much time!… You thought he was the one! BUT what’s even more likely to happen if you’ve “got to know him” online is he’ll likely never ask you out and / or it might lead to other problems… Because…
2. He’s a stranger and could be anyone.
You think you’ve got to know the guy really well. He’s told you everything about him and you’ve both shared your life stories BUT… what you don’t know is that he’s actually:
- Married with a family
- A Catfish (this is someone who creates a false online identity. They can be any age, gender, they can be doing it for personal reasons or to scam you).
- #MrWrongs #BuyerBeware: These are guys you want to avoid including:
- Addicts (Drug, alcohol, gambling, sex etc…)
- Violent men
- Peter Pans
- Guys who only want to meet girls online
- Guys who will never step up
- You get the picture – bad news! Etc…
3. You’ll give away too much too soon. Keep an air of mystery!
If you keep chatting with a guy online or offline you’re going to give away too much too soon. Rules Girls don’t waste time chatting online because you know that if you do that he’ll lose interest in you more quickly and is far less likely to ask you out. He knows everything about you, you’re no longer intriguing and a mystery, there’s no reason to meet. Plus for him the spark has gone because men like to pursue (this is their biological wiring) and by giving away too much too soon you have made it too easy for him, you are no longer a challenge. Remember you’re number one objective for being online is to get dates, not to chat. If they don’t ask you out within four messages then he’s a “next!” and you move on. If he wants to get to know you he needs to ask you out and get to know you in person, on dates and slowly over time.
4. Weed guys out quickly online.
If you observe the four message rule you eliminate all the time wasters – the guys you don’t want to waste time dating. Guys who ask a lot of questions, want to get to know you online or seem to want to only chat and who likely just want an online relationship with you. They’ll never ask you out or they’ll take forever to ask you out because they have to “get to know you online first” and then they’ll likely take their time doing everything else in your relationship too! You’ll likely end up wasting a lot of time on a guy who simply frustrates you because he never wants to truly commit.
Once you’ve eliminated the time wasters and have got a date zero booked remember this is the time to:
- Watch what he does
- Listen to what he says
- Decide if you want a second date
- Make sure to keep notes about each guy from the start (whether you met on or offline).
Remember Rules Girls are always observing. Following the final point above – making notes will help you to be more objective and notice any good or bad behaviour and patterns. It’ll also help you to evaluate more objectively how you really feel about this guy.
So next time you log on remember to weed heavily! Your next steps:
- Only match with guys who’ve matched you first.
- Only reply to first messages:
- after 24 hours,
- where the guy mentions something specific to your profile / bio and
- makes an effort.
- Next! guys who don’t ask you out or for your number in four messages or less.
- Watch my recent FB Live “How to Follow “The Rules” for Online Dating” with even more tips for weeding heavily (like not replying to short messages and how to look for form messages) plus lots more such as how to date on Tinder and safety advice online and on dates.
- Remember to treat “The Rules” like a job, expect that you will have to weed a lot of guys out. “The Rules” is in part a process of eliminating the wrong guys who you might’ve previously otherwise have dated or even ended up in a relationship with. This is worth reminding yourself of when things appear to be quiet and slow… Because in actual fact by not wasting time on the wrong guys you are making your path to Mr Right faster.
- You may not know this, but I’m a certified Rules Coach (trained by “The Rules” authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider). I teach women how to apply “The Rules,” find Mr Right, get married and stay happily married! I certified in December 2013 and I’m happily married since 2015! That means I’m available for one-on-one client work if that happens to be something you could use now (or in
the near future). You can take a look at my services here: work with me.
“Rule 11 – If He Doesn’t Ask You Out within Four E-mails, Delete/Next!” (Fein, E. and Schneider, S. (2002) The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace, New York: Simon and Schuster.)
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Disclaimer: Information, advice & tips provided by Debbie Sedgley Rules Coach are based on “The Rules” books written by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider and are not a substitute for professional advice such as a Medical Doctor, Psychiatrist, Counsellor or Legal representative. Information is offered in good faith – you do not have to use this information. Any decisions you make, and the consequences thereof are your own. The Rules relationship and dating advice is not scientifically proven and there are no formal studies to prove it works, therefore Deborah Sedgley cannot guarantee results.